I have been on Spring Break; I return to work on Monday.
I am supposed to return to work on Monday.
Monday is a planning day.
I woke up with that pain in my chest, the anxiety I have felt my whole life when it is time to return to school, the noise, the chaos…
I just logged into Employee Self Service to see how many personal days I have left.
50
Okay. That’s a lot. And if I take off, it doesn’t affect the kids.
I love the kids.
I have a secret. Sort of a secret. Not a secret anymore. Or maybe it was never a secret and everyone has noticed.
I have actually taken off every teacher planning day this school year.
I wasn’t going to take this one off. I was going to face my anxiety and walk into the crowded media center and sit for three and a half hours and listen.
But today, well actually yesterday, I started to anticipate how the meeting will start, with these generic pats on the back, how wonderful we are and that we are the best teachers in all of the county, and that he is PROUD OF US. Yes, that has been said — aloud.
My blood will boil.
I will want to scream.
I find this nonspecific praise so demeaning.
On Monday, my weekly addition of the Marshall Memo was dropped into my inbox.
On Wednesday, I started to read the headlines:
1. **The story behind Chicago schools’ improvement from 1987 to 2015
**2. Dealing successfully with conflict and disagreement in the workplace
3. Ideas for managing star employees
Ideas for managing star employees
I paused. I clicked on the link. I started to read.
Pure joy and validation.
What I have been feeling is absolutely reasonable.
- “An egalitarian approach — treat everyone the same — isn’t smart. Super-talented people need to be treated as valued, unique individuals. If they’re not, they are more likely to leave, depriving the team of important contributions.”
- “Talented people invest huge stores of energy and emotion in developing their skills so that they will succeed at the highest level. Recognize that talented people don’t take kindly to being dismissed out of hand.”
- “Since your most talented employees are highly driven and intrinsically motivated, it’s tempting to assume that they don’t need a lot of it and would be indifferent to pats on the back. The key is spotting areas of exceptional performance and giving specific, authentic affirmation.”
A part of me thinks I should go in — show that I am a team player. But I have been doing this job for long enough to know that I will feel frustrated sitting in a three and a half hour staff meeting filled with anticipated chit-chat and unnecessary information. Of course, I could be wrong.
By the time I head back to my portable to actually plan, my vision of what I hoped to accomplish will have dwindled. It’s inevitable. I am a morning person, my best work is definitely before noon.
“They can record what they discover on the pages of their books. Someone may want to store knowledge about a particular kind of dinosaur. Someone else may want to store knowledge about horses or a famous person.” — John Spiers. On Monday, I want to make 36 more. So they will be ready to give out on Tuesday.
I also have an idea for a money project. Before Spring Break, I noticed that the students who come to me for An Extra Dose of Number Sense were struggling with remembering the worth of a penny, nickel, dime and quarter. I want time to work on that.
I definitely would get so much more done if I just stayed home. And isn’t that what this job is all about? The kids?
I know. There is this de-escalation training. And what if it’s great?
But, what if it’s not?
And I can just read about de-escalation. I will Google it now.
I just downloaded and printed (double-sided).